My Dashboard › Forums › Mindset Course Discussion › Are you applying the Mindset of "radical ownership" in your life? › Reply To: Are you applying the Mindset of "radical ownership" in your life?
MemberDecember 6, 2021 at 11:02 am
Hi @shaily ,
Yes! This has crossed my mind and as an outsider looking in, unencumbered by the negative cloud of that experience, I can share this perspective.
Your part in the relationship isn’t about “blame” in any negative sense. Having radical ownership of everything you participate in and experience and the consequences you get means that you:
1. acknowledge that you are responsible for what happens in your life – you get what you get… “NOW WHAT?” Tom talks about this when people come from or start from different demographics/privileges/obstacles in life
2. you can only change you, and this is the point I have come to realize in radical ownership.
3. you will do better, be better from the challenges that come your way – learn from them, focus on the learning aspect, not the blame and upset that anyone can easily get stuck in. I believe it is from Buddhism (paraphrased) that we continue to go thru the same lesson over and over again until we learn from that lesson. this also is the formula for insanity: doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results. 😮
4. you can see that it’s a matter of perspective: is it a failed relationship or a lesson in relationships that you grow from to get into a better relationship? on a “lighter level” of relationships (friendship): a friendship w/a person (I later discover that they are negative and deceiving for whatever their own reasons) I choose to end … is it failed or is it that I have learned from that experience to apply those lessons in friendships w/other people? the relationship can be seen as serving its purpose to grow from and be/do better moving forward. again, we can only change ourselves. If the person chooses not to cooperate w/us, I see two options: a) what you are saying: failure in the relationship; b) failure to learn from, improve, and move forward from that stagnant, uncooperative relationship. perhaps, you can choose which “failure” (lesson is a better word) is more empowering to you, and go with that. 🙂
5. you understand that a relationship takes 2 people working together; it’s a two way street.
6. you take ownership of your choices and their consequences when you decide the next part to the new information that you did not have prior to the experience…. “AND NOW WHAT?” but sure, you can continue to work WITH the person in the relationship, but again – see point #2.
7. in the end we are left to deal with the consequences of our choices. we are left to prepare OR NOT for the events and challenges that will continue to come up as we live our lives. If we choose to NOT learn and NOT improve and NOT prepare for the similar/familiar set of circumstances/events that come our way …. AND we choose to react the SAME way we did 10yrs ago, JUST KNOW that that is OUR CHOICE. How aware we are of that choice is the responsibility and power that we need to decide to own (or not).
This is my understanding of radical ownership. As Tom has mentioned in some of his content/coursework, no one is coming to save us. boy, i sound like a Tom zealot haha… but what he speaks is truth regardless of where those words come from. In the end, we are left to deal w/the consequences. How we prepare, learn, and cope in life is ONLY up to us. no, we are not all knowing, we are not all powerful to control everything that happens in our lives. Radical ownership does not always mean you control everything. Simply, it means we own the shit we get…. “AND NOW WHAT?” That second part to owning… the “now what?” is where you have the control… free will… ownership of your choices, actions, education to be more than you were before the challenge/opportunity came to your door.